


Connor and Evan - what if?

by beccysfics



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Broadway, Cute, Fluff, Gay, LGBT, M/M, Musical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-14 20:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 6,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11215995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccysfics/pseuds/beccysfics
Summary: What if Connor never read that letter? What if Connor never Commited Suicide? All that Evan knows is that he's never felt this feeling before. But one with anxiety, the other with depression and anger issues, will they make or break each other?





	1. Chapter 1

"Is this yours?" Connor blurted, extending the letter he found in the printer. He'd watched Evan for months last year and he thought maybe, just maybe, this blonde haired boy would get along with him.

"Oh yeah that's just-" Evan reached forward in a panic and snatched it from Connors hand.  
"It's uh- for an assignment" he said, shoving it down his pocket, his heart racing. Too close. 

"That's a lie" Connor smirked 

"Um-uh what? I-it's not I just um"Evan rambled  
"You probably haven't noticed but I have like the exact same classes as you" Connor said

"Of-of course I noticed!" Evan lied, Connor shook his head, a small smile on his face, something Evan had never seen the boy do before.

"It's alright, no one else ever does" Connor said

"I-i know how you feel" Evan agreed awkwardly

"Well...maybe I'll see you around?" Connor asked, hope laced in his deep blue eyes.

"Yeah, I um, sounds good" Evan smiled, rubbing his upper arm. Connor nodded before leaving the computer lab. Evan looked down at his obnoxiously signed cast, a little smile growing on his face. 

Connor didn't seem like the "threw a printer at Mrs.Murphy in grade 3" kind of guy. He didn't seem like the guy who pushed people in hallways, he seemed like, well, he seemed like a thoughtful guy who signs your cast because no one else will. Maybe there was something there. Maybe people made quick judgements on him, like they did Evan. Maybe... 

Evan pulled the crumpled paper from his front pocket And tore it into tiny little segments. Maybe today wasn't so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Super sorry but the website stuffed up the chapter orders so This is my reuploading them in the correct order :)


	2. Chapter 2

"Evan?" Evans mother called before he entered his room. His body froze up.

"I'm going to work now, I really really am glad that your appointment went well, I left you that heat up meal you like!"She said, desperation laced through her voice.

"Okay thanks"Evan said softly stepping in his door, before he could close it, Heidi started again, pushing a wisp of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"Who's the boy on your cast?" She asked walking over, Evan stayed wedged between his door and the wall. 

"It's no one" Evan evaded

"No one?" She questioned

"Yeah, no, it's-it's No one" he repeated, his eyes sternly connected to the ground. She backed away, the slight smile fading from her face, she sighed.

"Okay...well, I'm leaving now, we can talk tomorrow" she reassured herself.

"Yep"he quickly said before sliding into the safe haven that he called his bedroom. Evan pulled out his laptop, and fell to his bed, he reached across to his anxiety medication with one hand, his other scrolling through his social media.

BING  
Alanagranger101 just posted a photo.

BING  
@InsanelyCoolJaredKlienman sent you a message: u need a new bio the tree emojis are lame as fuck.

Evan found himself in the search tab, his fingering hovering over the letter c, so he searched. Connors profile was pretty empty, a black profile picture with his bio nothing but his name and "who cares anyway". His photos were black and white, one of a cloud of smoke, one a band poster that must be on his wall and a photo of himself with his hoody up, his jaw and eye the only thing you can see in the photo. Evan shook his head and closed the tab he had open, he swallowed his medication dry and slipped under his covers. safe.

BING  
@InsanelyCoolJaredKlienman sent you a message: never mind I hacked you and changed it myself


	3. Chapter 3

Evan stepped through the school doors, loud chatter flooded his ears, people rushed around him, everyone in a hurry to get somewhere, and not a single person even turned their heads, he was invisible. Once Evan made it through the crowd to a quieter hallway, Jared Klienman strolled over as the bell rung loudly above them.

"Wuddup tree boy" He mocked

"Hi Jared" Evan said softly

"So you know that chick, Sarah Gesterio? I thinks she's into me" Jared said, raising his brows

"And why do you think that?" Evan questioned

"Well why wouldn't she be?" Jared shrugged 

"I mean, look at me" he said, gesturing to himself. Evan smiled and shook his head. 

"Anyways, later loser gotta get to class" Jared said, slapping Evan on the back. Evan adjusted his backpack and turned to get to class, he found himself wondering if Connor would be there.

Evan was the first to English class, he sat in his usually spot, middle left. Not too close to be called upon, not to far back to be considered a misbehaving student and not in the centre to draw attention. Connor came in, his hair pulled into a low bun, dressed in all black, Evan could swear it was all he ever wore. His jeans were torn in some places and his black denim vest was fraying. Connors eyes scanned the room and caught onto Evans. Evan quickly looked away, his cheeks igniting. Evan waited for Connor to sit at the back of the classroom but alas, he came over and sat down right next to him. Evan started tapping his leg quietly, was he meant to talk to him? Smile at him? Connor pushed his chair out and swung his legs onto the table, he appeared to be chewing gum. Evan pulled his books out, trying his best to watch Connor in his peripheral vision. The girl that normally sits next to Evan (who doesn't even realise he exists) Threw a sour stare at Connor and turned to the teacher looking outraged

"Sir! This THING stole my seat" she complained

"Fuck off princess" Connor snarled

"Find another seat Stephanie and Connor talk to any one like that in my classroom again and I'm calling your parents" The teacher insisted. She scoffed and stormed to the back of the classroom.

"She seems lovely" Connor mumbled sarcastically to Evan. 

"yeah" Evan chuckled awkwardly.   
Evan jotted down every note, Connor however, had not written anything. When the bell rung Evan was quick to pack up. Connors boots swung off the table with a thud, he pulled his satchel over his arm. 

"I have woodwork, what do you have?" Connor asked, Evan swung his bag onto his shoulders

"En-enviromental studies" Evan mumbled

"Oh, like, like plants and shit?" Connor questioned

"Um yeah sort of" Evan nodded staring at the ground. Connor towered above him and Evan could tell he was looking directly at him.

"I'll walk with you, I've got to go that way anyway" Connor said after a pause, and so they walked through the crowded halls together and Evan had that nervous feeling in his chest. why? It wasn't an anxiety feeling, he knew all of those, it was a warm, tight feeling, he could shake the thoughts about how attractive this boy was and how he's one of the only people who pay attention to him, but not the feeling.

"Evan?"Connor snapped him back into reality

"Oh, um-Sorry?" Evan said

"Environmental studies, why'd you choose it?" Connor Asked

"I spent my, um, spent the holidays at this camp thing and I just really um, I learnt a lot about, well, t-trees" Evan rambled on, fiddling his fingers. 

"So...trees? Is that the answer?" Connor teased

"Yep I suppose so?" Evan replied and stop out side his classroom

"You talk a lot Hansen" Connor said, Evan breathing turned sharp, had he talked to much? was he embarrassing himself? Was he acting strange?

"I like it" Connor smiled slightly, the pressure released from Evans chest

"Also I'm... About the other day when I pushed yo-"Connor started

"No...its okay"Evan said, quickly diminishing the thought. Everyone has their bad days, he told himself. And with a flash of a smile, Connor was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Connor got out Zoe's car and slammed the door.

"Careful with it, Jesus" She said in disgust

"Why? Not like you paid for it" he snapped back. She rolled her eyes and stormed past him into the house. Connor shook his head and followed after her. Connor was on the path directly to his room.

"Connor! How was school?" His mother, Cynthia asked when he was half way up the stairs.

"Fine" he said and continued walking. Outside his room, he could still hear her.

"Why don't you ever acknowledge him!? It's like you don't even care!" She angrily said to her husband.

"Of course I care honey, it's him who doesn't care anymore, just let him be" Larry responded. 

Connor slammed his bedroom door and threw his bag at the chair near his bed. Of course it's his fucking fault. It always is in this house. Zoe the angel, the perfect happy parents and Connor, the depressed fucking loser who gets angry all the time. Connor heard Zoe walk past his room, like he did every day, and for some reason, he would never know why, he hoped she would come in. But why would she? 

Connor still held onto them playing scissors paper rock on long car trips or learning the dance choreography to the entirety of High School Musical. He held onto that version of him, because the version he is now brings nothing but pain to everyone around him. He was getting worse and he knew it. He didn't know how many more days he could stand like this.

Connor snatched his earphones from his bedside drawer, turning the volume up full, he pulled his smashed phone from his pocket and played the first song. 

Would anyone even realise is he disappeared tomorrow? His sister, his father, his parents marriage would certainly be better of without him there and nobody at school even knew who he 

Evan.

What was Evan doing now? 

It doesn't matter. He probably thinks your just as strange as everyone else does, he's only talking to you out of pity and fear that you'll push him down again, Connor told himself. He told himself that a boy like himself could never be with a boy like Evan and he didn't deserve it. He would ruin him. 

His mind echoed dark whispers and told him cruel lies until he ripped his headphones from his head. He couldn't cry. He couldn't remember the last time he did. All his hope was pinned on Evan, who he didn't know and who didn't know him. He reached over to his bedside drawer, past the nail polish and porn magazines, to the black container of joints, and with a puff of smoke, he pushed all thoughts from his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like a parrelel to the chapter about Evan's afternoon :)))) next chapter tomorrow, bookmark my work if y'wanna read it :)


	5. Chapter 5

Evan walked to his last period of the day with a skip in his step. English class. Happiness radiated through him, a happiness he couldn't control. He was excited to see Connor. Would he sit next to him again? Would they talk? Evan took his seat and pulled his book out, his foot tapping against the floor. Alana walked in and waved, sitting at the front centre, as always, followed by Connor, his brown hair hanging loosely over his shoulders. Evans foot picked up its pace. Connor sat down next to him. Evans foot stopped. 

"Hey Hansen" Connor said

"Oh hey!"Evan blushed 

"Talk amongst yourselves while I figure out this bloody computer" the teacher mumbled. Connor tapped his pen against his leg slowly.

"So how are the trees?" Connor questioned 

"Wh-what?" Evan asked confused

"Environmental studies yesterday...how were the trees?" He questioned, a small smirk on his face

"Yep. Ther- there good" Evan smiled, his cheeks going a brighter pink. 

"Well actually...we-we were given this assignment that um- that we have to find a place in our city that's-thats all nature and collect specimens of, well, nature, because she thinks that- that um, kids don't see places like that anymore y'know?" Evan rambled, unsure why he was even talking about it.

"Your teacher sounds like a hippie" Connor said

"Y-yeah she is" Evan replied. Connor looked deep in thought, maybe sad even for a minute. 

"I know a place" Connor nodded

"W-where?" Evan asked, not expecting Connor to respond with a location. 

"It's this place I use to go, it's pretty fucking sad now but...I can take you there on Sunday? If that's good?"Connor said before he knew he even said it. Connor instantly accepted that Evan would turn him down. Oh my god, did he just ask me on a date? Evan thought. No, no it's a friendship thing right? Right? Of course it is, why would you even think it's more than that!?. Evans cheeks were burning, his mouth was dry. Every second that passed Connor started to regret what he said more and more. 

"Yes! Sure"Evan blurted. Connor nodded and they swung back around to do their work and that was that. Connor looked over at Evan, the blonde boy in the blue striped shirt, who's cheeks where brighter than anything Connor had ever seen. Connor loved the fact he made him blush and for the first time in forever, they both had something to look forward to.


	6. Chapter 6

Evan was sat at the empty lunch table with his tray of disgusting food, poking at it with his fork. Jared slid in across from him.

"Hola loserito, what crazy shit is going on in that little head of yours today?" He questioned, smiling 

"Hey Jared I, um, have you ever seen that- y'know, Connor boy? Um, Connor Murphy? Eating lunch, in here?" Evan asked, scanning the room for him

"Lol no, he's probably smoking pot or like, crying, somewhere" Jared joked, Evan didn't laugh.

"Why?" Jared asked in a demeaning matter

"Oh-um-no-no reason"Evan stuttered

"Oooooo Evans in love with the Emo boy" Jared teased. Evan turned pink again.

"I am not! I-I don't even know what your-why you would-" He defended, Alana approached the table, head high.

"Hey, do you guys think I could maybe sit with you today?" She questioned

"Sure thing, just interrogating Evan over his lover boy Connor Murphy" Jared nodded

"Oh yeah I did see you two talking in English today" she added

"Oh really?" Jared smiled, brows raised.

"Bout' what? The colour black? Zoe Murphy? Gay sex?" Jared questioned

"No! No! We were- ugh - we were talking about an assignment " Evan responded.

"which one? I had 3, one for math, one for history and one for music, of course, I've done them all aaaand extra credit for math but I feel like I probably could have done better in music" She said, her words spilling out of her mouth quickly.

"Uh, environmental studies?" Evan said as though it was a question

"Oh yeah! Katy Brown was telling me Mrs. Sanders is making people go out and find an area of 'pure nature'? I, personally would go to my auntie Cheryl's back gully, it is beautiful at this time of year!" She smiled

"Wait so you and your boyfriend were talking about this why?" Jared questioned

"It- its not important we're just going-he's helping me with the assignment, And he's-he's not my boyfriend! He's not even my-my- it's not like that" Evan defended

"I'm like 97 percent sure 'helping me with an assignment' is slang for gay sex" Jared chuckled. Evan furrowed his brows and crossed his arms as well as he could with a cast on. 

"don't get your panties in a twist Hansen, I'm just saying, whatever floats your boat" Jared said and with that Alana started to talk about some other exciting thing that happened to her today, but Evan couldn't stop thinking about him. He couldn't deny he felt something for Connor that he has never felt for anyone else, not even Zoe Murphy, who, Evan hadn't even thought about lately. But what did this feeling even mean? What was he meant to do or say? Did Connor feel the same way? Maybe all of this was forming merely because Connor was showing Evan more affection than any one else ever had. Conflicted, he focused back onto what Alana was saying. If he knew one thing, it was to try with everything in you, not to overthink things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL OKAY I really loved writing this chapter and I tried to do it as accurately as possible so I hope it's okay !!


	7. Chapter 7

Connor and Evan found themselves waking up every morning counting down the days. 3 days. 2 days. 1 day.  
Today is the day. Evan suddenly was filled with worry. He didn't even know where they were going. He barely knew this boy.

"So, like, what do I wear?" Evan questioned to Jared through his computer screen. Jared chuckled.

"So like, what do I wear?" Jared mimicked "That's such a 'teenage girl going on a date' thing to say" Jared teased

"Jared! I haven't really done this before can you just- can't you just, help" Evan said, ruffling through his drawers.

"Something new but the same, y'know?" Jared suggested. 

"What?" Evan said confused

"So wear what you would normally wear but a little bit different" Jared suggested. Evan pulled out a light blue plain shirt.

"This?" 

"Yeah...is blue the only colour you own?" Jared asked

"Well...yeah" Evan responded

"Evan?" His mothers voice asked from the hall

"I've gotta go thanks" Evan said quickly before shutting his laptop screen. His mother walked in. 

"Hey did you- you look lovely" Heidi smiled

"Um-th-thanks" Evan said 

"Are you...going out somewhere?" She asked

"Yeah I-I'm just going to do an assignment" Evan justified

"With who?" She question, straightening his shirt for him. Evan questioned whether to lie or not.

"Uh his name, his name is, it's Connor" Evan mumbled towards the ground

"The boy on your cast?" She questioned

"Ye-yes" Evan agreed, waiting to see her reaction. A huge smile lit up her face and she took her son in a hug. Evan froze up.

"I'm glad" She smiled

"I'm really glad your going out and doing things honey" Heidi pulled back from the hug. Evan nodded.

BING  
@C.Murphy sent you a message: what's your address?

Evan responded. 

"Well, have fun okay? Not too much fun though!" Heidi laughed, Evan chuckled awkwardly. Evan looked at himself in his dirty mirror. Okay. This would be okay right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all the big day(te) is coming up soooooooooon


	8. Chapter 8

Connor adjusted his old leather jacket on his shoulders, his black polo shirt and jeans underneath. He ran his fingers through his hair with struggle and pulled it tightly into a low bun. Little layers falling across his face. Did he look okay? Nervously he walked into the hallway and approached his sisters room, he hesitated. Why was he doing this? 

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

"Who is it?" Zoe asked warily

"It's Connor" Connor replied

"What do you want?" She snapped 

"I wanted your opinion but if your going to fucking act like that then don't even worry about it"

Connor said and spun the other way. Why'd he even ask? Like she'd care. Zoe Murphy emerged from her room, in constellation pyjama pants and a loose white tee shirt, her hair was unbrushed.

"What did you want?" She asked slightly aggravated. Connor didn't respond.

"Your clothes are different...actually kinda nice?" She said surprised

"Why... why are you wearing different clothes?" Zoe continued to question, nervously leaning out of her doorway.

"Going out" he said

"With who?" She questioned softly

"His name is Evan" he said, straightening his nice deep blue jeans.

"The kid you pushed in the hall the other day?" Zoe said confused. Connors hands turned to fists. 

"Yes" he said. There was a pause.

"Do you- do you like him?" Zoe asked, nervous as to how he would react

"Well...yeah I suppose" Connor shrugged, feeling strange talking to his sister like this. She smiled.

"Un-do the buttons on your polo" she suggested

"What?"he asked

"The buttons on your polo, you look to formal" She continued. There was a pause.

"You seem different" she said as he undid the buttons

"What the hell is that supposed mean?" Connor spun to look at her

"You seem happier! Don't fucking ruin it" Zoe said back, Connor pondered, was he?

"What's going on with all the swearing?" Their mother said, emerging from around the corner.

"nothing" Connor defended. 

"I was just leaving" Connor said, snatching the brown blanket from the hallway table.

"You are? To where?" Cynthia said, switching her attention to Connor

"Doesn't matter" he said 

He stopped himself at the top step on the stairs and said something he hasn't said in a long time

"Thankyou...Zoe....for the advice" he said and took off again. Zoe smiled shyly and slipped back into her room. Cynthia stood confused before she turned back around the corner.


	9. Chapter 9

@C.Murphy sent you a message: outside.

Outside. He's outside. Why such a short text? Was he in a bad mood? Was he annoyed with Evan at something? Evan racked through his mind of things he could have possibly done wrong. He grabbed his notebook and camera and opened his front door shakily, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Connor stood on the footpath, in a black collared shirt, a leather jacket and navy jeans, his hands in pockets. Evan smiled shyly.

"Ready to go?" Connor questioned with raised brows. Evan nodded, hugging his notebook.

"Bye honey!! Have fun!" Heidi called from inside. 

Evan had to take quick paces to keep up with the long legged boy.

"Did you-did you walk here?" Evan asked

"Yeah you only live like... a few blocks away and the place is near here" Connor said.

"Um, so what exactly is this place?" Evan asked, focusing on the hems on Connors jeans.

"It's a orchard place, I um- my family used to go there before we got all fucked up" Connor stated

"What-what happened? To your family? You don't have-you don't have to talk about it if you-" Evan started

"It's fine, dad only cares about work so mum tries too hard, Zoe's their perfect little girl. it's a perfect family if you forget I'm in it" Connor rolled his eyes. Silence filled the air as they walked along the footpath, the green grass glistening with dew, Evans shirt attracting heat quickly, he wondered how Connor must have been feeling, but it appeared he didn't feel it at all. Evan hated silence, he always did, but something about it changed with Connor. It was peaceful. They turned down a street that ended with a gate covered in chains.

"Shortcut. My sister and I used it all the time" Connor said pointing at the gate.

"O-over the fence?" Evan questioned, fiddling his fingers.

"Yeah c'mon it's easy"Connor said jumping the fence in one swift movement. The fence shook and rattled.

"But...won't we get in trouble?" Evan questioned

"By who?" Connor chuckled and extended his hand. Evan stood warily for a moment. There didn't appear to be any signs saying not to jump the fence, Evan told himself. He took Connors hand and put one leg over at a time. He was over. a rush of exhilaration filled his body. Connor grinned, a proper smile, His eyes creasing. Their blue eyes met as they realised they were yet to release one another's hands. Evans cheeks burned up.

"I-I feel like a law breaker" Evan joked as he took his hand away.

"It's jumping a fence Hansen, you should be okay, 6 months maximum" Connor laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY CUTE GAY BOYS™


	10. Chapter 10

"So considering we're here on an assignment, what type of trees are these?" Connor asked as they wondered through the trees to get to the field. Evan had almost forgotten that was the reason they were here, He looked up at him, his face shadowed in splotches from the sun spilling through the canopy.

"Well these are oaks and-and those are silver birches" Evan nodded towards the thin grey trees pushing his hair back.

"Woah...I'm impressed. You really are a tree nerd" Connor smirked. Evans freckled cheeks turned an off pink colour before he looked away. The trees began to thin out and sunlight spilt through more and more.

"And here we are!" Connor said, arms out in front of him, a beautiful green field overthrown by yellows flowers, and large oak trees and apple trees, the grass was long and hadn't been tended to in a log time. Evans face lit up.

"It's beautiful!" Evan beamed. Connor looked across at Evans face in awe. This was worth it. Evan took his camera from around his neck and crouched down. Aiming the camera at the gigantic oak tree across the field, a beautiful contrast of blue, green and yellow. 

"Wait don't take it yet, come over here" Connor took Evan by the arm and trenched through the yellow weeds at a quick pace. They climbed a hill as the yellow flowers became scarce. Connor pulled the brown blanket from his bag.

"I couldn't find a picnic blanket so..."Connor said as he sat on the large blanket. Evan turned to talk to Connor, but his words failed to come out as Connor took off his leather jacket, revealing his masculine arms that were much more muscular than Evan had imagined. Not that he was imagining them, Evan shook the thought from his head. Connor was blushing and he rubbed his arm. This was new. Evan pulled out his journal and pen and sat on the other side of the blanket, placing his camera beside him. Connor picked it up. Evan started to write and scribble about his surroundings, finding himself hurrying the assignment so he could focus on Connor more.

CHING.

Connor smiled as he took the photo of Evan. 

CHING.

CHING.

"Hey!" Evan said, defensively covering his face from him. 

CHING

"You take a good photo Hansen" Connor said with raised brows as he continued to photograph him. Evan blushed as he fumbled to get the camera off Connor. 

"Okay okay! I'll stop" Connor said, hands raised in defence. Evan pulled back.

"You blush easy" Connor smirked. Evans blush deepened to a red. Only around you, Evan thought to himself. Evan rubbed his arm. 

"It's cute" Connor complimented.

"Uh-um...th-thanks" Evan mumbled. Burying his head in his journal. as he finished up the questioned he was assigned to answer he looked up at the blue sky. 

"Do you think-do you think we could stay until the sunset? I-i can't see it from my house" Evan asked. Connor nodded.

"Sounds good"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the references:  
> \- Connor is impressed with all his forest expertise.  
> \- Evans words failed


	11. Chapter 11

Evan sat crossed legged next to Connor as the sky turned a light pink.

"Your turn" Connor promoted 

"Okay-um-um- what's your....um..." Evan struggled

"Your shit at this. I'll go" Connor said, sitting up a bit straighter.

"What's your family like?" Connor asked, tilting his head.

"Well, well my mum is kind of-my mum is kind of my-my only family" Evan said

"Dad calls once a month but-but he has a new family now so-so I don't really matter I suppose" Evan continued sorrowfully. The sky turned to a deeper pink, illuminating the white clouds. Before Connor could respond Evan jumped in.

"What's your favourite band?" Evan asked quickly

"Green day." Connor nodded

"How old were you when you had your first kiss?" Connor asked. Evans heart speed up, why was he asking?

"I um-I haven't ever um-haven't ever had one unless-unless you count that-that one time with lily youngtop in kindergarten" Evan responded nervously

"What about- what about you?" Evan reciprocated 

"14...or maybe 15 I think. My cousin brought a friend over to this big fucking boring gathering my auntie had and- we hooked up in my cousins room" Connor said with raised brows. Evan swallowed. 

"What was their name?" Evan asked

"Jake I think" Connor said. Evan froze his eyes wide. Jake was defiantly a boys name. Connor ran his fingers through his hair and pulled his jacket back on. They sat for a few minutes admiring the last of the colour fading from the night sky before packing up silently. 

"Got your stuff?" Connor reassured. Evan nodded. They slowly trailed back to Evans home. A few metres away from his door Evan stopped.

"Well th-thankyou for the- for the-place"Evan mumbled. Connor stepped closer to him. The light near Evans door was dim, Evan could barely see Connors face. 

"I had a good day" Connor said softly, a slight smile on his face. Evans heart was racing. They were standing awfully close.

"See you at school?"Evan questioned nervously before stepping back. Connor snapped out of it.

"See you then" Connor smiled


	12. Chapter 12

"So on a scale of 1 to 10 how gay was it?" Jared asked as they walked to their first class.

"It wasn't-it-it was fine" Evan defended

"So...7?" Jared assumed 

"He-he told me about his first kiss" Evan said

"Hot" Jared joked. Evan shook his head.

"It was-it was with a guy" Evan mumbled

"Well that's definetely gay" Jared said loudly 

"Shhhh!" Evan urged

"So he basically came out to you?" Jared asked as they neared AP science.

"Well...yeah" Evan mumbled

"So when are you gonna come out to him?" Jared wiggled his brows. Evan frowned.

"I'm-I'm not going to- I'm not gay" Evan said, but his chest said differently when Connor approached. 

"Here comes your boyfriend" He teased. 

"Hey" Connor smirked. Jared stared at Connor.

"What's your problem?"Connor scoffed

"Calm down buddy" Jared scoffed. Connor clenched his jaw. Silence filled the air.

"Whatever, I'm out" Jared said before leaving.

"B-bye jared!" Evan yelled after him

"Why are you even friends with him?" Connor said harshly 

"Um- he's - he's- well, I don't know an exact reason but-" Evan stumbled through his sentence

"He looks at me like I'm fucking trash" Connor said

"Oh- he um- he looks at everyone like that, don't-don't take it personally" Evan said softly. The teacher arrived and unlocked the class as they took their seats next to each other.

"Okay I know this is random and stupid and my mum is-is ridiculously obsessed with the idea of me actually talking to another human being but, she wants you over for dinner" Connor blurted. Evan blushed.

"She does?"

"Yeah but I mean you don't have to come. She said tomorrow night works" Connor said scribbling little drawings on his book.

"I-I'll check but sounds um-yum"Evan said, instantly regretting it. Yum? Who the hell says yum?

"Just warning you my mums cooking is horrendous so-"Connor started

"At least your mum cooks for you" Evan said under his breath. Evan began his work, that glowing feeling in his heart and stomach. Dinner at the Murphy's, he'd pictured it before but it was with the other Murphy sibling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah that's definetely gay


	13. Chapter 13

Evan approached the Murphy's door in his sky blue button up and jeans. Nervously he tapped his foot before knocking. Connor heard the knock from upstairs, he couldn't help but think of every single way the night could go wrong.

"Connor the door" Zoe shouted from her room

"I'm getting there" Connor yelled back.

Cynthia Murphy answered the door in a faded pink apron over her clothes as Evan wiped the sweat from his palms.

"Evan! Lovely to meet you!" Cynthia smiled taking Evan in a hug. Evan froze. 

"You-you too" Evan said to the ground. Connor jogged down the stairs in his usual attire and grabbed Evans arm.

"We'll be upstairs" he said before pulling Evan after him. Evan almost tripped up the stairs. Connor closed the bedroom door after him.

"Sorry if she was annoying you" Connor apologised. Evan looked around Connors room, his unmade bed sheets were black, band posters scattered over the wall. It smelt of marijuana, or at least what Evan imagined Marijuana to smell like. 

"Welcome to mi casa" Connor said, falling down onto his bed. He seemed happier, nervous maybe?

"It's-its nice!"Evan said, awkwardly fidgeting his hands. Connor smirked, like he knew something, moments passed of awkward staring

"What is it?" Evan asked

"You haven't come out to anyone...have you?" Connor said. 

Evan could have sworn his eyes fell out of his head, his lips parted for words but nothing came out. This was exactly what he was avoiding.

"There you go blushing again" Connor chuckled as Evans cheeks deepened in colour.

"I'm-I'm not-" Evan defended. Connor stood from his bed and walked over intimidatingly to Evan. Evan stumbled backwards until his back was against the wall. Connor continued to come closer. Evans heart speed up. 

"Not at all?" Connor said alluringly. Evan could feel Connors breath on his lips. His hands began to sweat. Evan found himself unable to look at anything but the boys greyish blue eyes towering above him.   
"I um-it's not um- I don't really-" Evan rambled quickly, his voice breaking. Connor stepped back with a grin.

"Just wanted to know" he teased before sitting back on his bed. Evan let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. 

"But I'm-I'm not" Evan defended his heart urging him to say the opposite.

"Ohhhh okay" Connor said sarcastically, obviously not believing him. Imagine if Jared heard about this, he thought to himself. 

"Have-have you?"Evan asked nervously

"Zoe knows, and you know I suppose" Connor shrugged

"Connor, Zoe! Dinner!" Cynthia yelled in a sing song tone from downstairs. Connor Ran his fingers through his hair before bouncing up off the bed once again. 

"You ready?" Connor asked

"Y-yep" Evan said, following after Connor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS THJS WAS THE GAYEST CHAPTER YET I HOPE YOU LIKE and yes I'm teasing the kiss from y'all


	14. Chapter 14

The table was crammed with Evan there. Evan sat next to Connor who sat on one end and Zoe sat at the other. Cynthia and Larry sat across from them. Cynthia and Larry looked quite like polar opposites, as she served potato bake that looked nothing like potato bake with a smile on her rosy gold cheeks, he sat with a stern expression. Evan tapped his foot under the table.

"So Evan...you got many friends?"Larry asked

"Really dad?" Zoe said embarrassed

"Um-not-not many but a few" Evan responded

"Were so so happy that Connor has made a new friend aren't we Larry?" Cynthia said as she sat down. Evan thought back to the almost kiss in the bedroom. Friends?

"Mmhm" Larry said with a mouthful of food. Evan struggled to chew threw the cardboard like 'potato'.

"What subjects are you doing? In school?" Zoe asked Evan. Evan looked across at her. She looked beautiful, as always.

"My core subjects and-and environmental studies and extension science and English" Evan responded

"Are you doing those aswell Connor?" Cynthia asked

"Suddenly now you're interested in my school life?" Connor scoffed. Cynthia looked embarrassed, the table went quiet. 

"So mrs.Murphy uh-what do you-what do you do for a living?" Evan asked

"Oh I'm not working at the moment, taking care of two kids is enough" She laughed, Evan chuckled awkwardly.

"What about you Evan? Your parents work?" Larry asked

"Uh my mum um- my mum is a nurse at the - at the hospital" Evan said

"And your dad?" Larry continued

"Uh my dad- I don't really know what my dad does" Evan said. 

"Outta ask him!" Larry smiled, Evan forced a smile.

"Yeah" Evan said softly. When They'd all managed to finish dinner, Evan offered to clean up but Zoe refused and told him she would do it. 

"Can I walk you home?" Connor asked

"Y-yeah of course" Evan smiled and said his goodbyes to the Murphys.


	15. Chapter 15

Connors pace was slow, it was cold and wet outside but the moon was bright, illuminating the footpath.

"Sorry about them, they ask too many questions". Connor apologised.

"No, no it's fine" Evan said and truly meant it. He couldn't see what about the Murphys Connor didn't like.

"You look nice tonight by the way" Connor complimented. 

"Really? Th-thankyou so do you" Evan blushed

"I always wear this" Connor said confused

"Exactly" Evan complimented confidently. A cold breeze blew through. Connor smiled. Evan looked at the cracked path beneath him as they turned a corner.

"Your parents seem nice" Evan said 

"My mum is I suppose" Connor said 

"My dad thinks that tough love is a proven solution to everything" Connor scoffed

"Well My-my mum thinks that pills solve everything so-" Evan responded. Connors hand brushed past Evans. Evan swallowed and took Connors hand in his own. His palm was larger and colder but felt like it fit so well. 

Street lights illuminated the boys off white as they stood outside Evans home. Evan didn't want to let go of Connors hand.

"I'll have you over soon" Evan smiled, rocking back on his heels 

"And maybe introduce you properly to Jared?" Evan questioned. 

"Klienman?" Connor asked. Evan nodded. Connor rolled his eyes.

"Egotistical douche if you ask me... but whatever" Connor sighed

"As long as your there" He smiled. Suddenly something changed. That feeling in Evans chest grew. It was them and no body else in the world even existed. Evan scanned Connors face for his feelings before, Nervously he leant in, a hand on Connors face, and kissed him. It was short, could barely have lasted two seconds. Connor stood with his eyes wide open. Evan whole face went red. Should he have done that? 

Connor looked at him, his blue eyes meeting Evans, the light and the dark hues of blues clashing and he kissed him again, but longer and warmer and so full of love. Connor hands cupping Evans warm face, a cold breeze on their cheeks. The boys felt something neither of them had felt before. A new feeling. The most entrancing, most terrifying, most warm and encapsulating feeling in the world. 

Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS THIS IS MY FAVOURITE CHAPTER SO FAR WHAT DO YOU THINKKKK


	16. Chapter 16

@C.Murphy sent you a message:  
Last night was fun. Thankyou.

Evan rolled over in his bed, a smile broken across his face. He couldn't help but feel almost, guilty about the previous night. All those feelings suddenly came to life. What did it mean? He wasn't gay...it's just...Connor. With his perfect periwinkle eyes and long brown hair...he was maybe a little gay. Bisexual? He asked himself. He shook it from his head. It doesn't matter, he had Connor and Connor had him.

Quickly he snatched his phone up to respond but was dumbfounded as to how to respond:  
I did too. Come over Saturday for lunch or something? It's fine if not.

@C.Murphy is typing...

Evans brain filed through the endless possible ways Connor could say no.

@C.Murphy sent you a message:  
Sounds good.

Evans face lit up again as he swiped Into his conversation with Jared:  
Come over on Saturday? 

@InsanelyCoolJaredKlienman sent you a message:  
why? I think I have plans

@Evan.Hansen responded:  
I just want you to come over. Please?

@InsanelyCoolJaredKlienmand sent you a message:  
Fine, I'll cancel my other plans.

@Evan.Hansen:  
Thankyou

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I'm so so sorry this ones late. I'm on holidays so I got distracted. Investors so glad you guys liked my last chapter though, look forward to some more tree bro fluff also "he was maybe a little gay" yeah sure tell ur self that Hansen


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was a little bit from the last chapter I forgot to post

Evan closed his phone down. Maybe that was a bad idea. He felt like a liar, if either knew the other would be here they wouldn't come, he told himself. Evan wanted them to get along with every bone in his body, his anxiety levels shoot through the roof whenever he's playing the mediator between them. This would be good for them.

Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys this is my first time writing on this website so please like or comment to let me know whether I should publish more of this or not :) - Beccy


End file.
